"Lost and Found": "Melissa"

nock, knock, they're here! I sent them," said the voice at the window, a lovely sprite smiling at me as I sat in the office of St. Clair Shores. I'd been researching some mythology when a shadow fell across the desk and I looked up to see her enchanting face peeking in through the foliage of the tree. "I didn't send that woman, though." A battle-axe of a woman marched down the hall past the office declaring loudly and definitively that, "This place is filthy!"

I know it was a dream, and therefore not bound by 'logic,' but these appearances totally baffled me. I leapt up from the desk chair to forestall the woman stomping down the hall. My attention was diverted, however, by the sight of a number of women and children gathered out on the lawn, between the water and the front entrance, looking longingly toward the inn. When I turned back to the window, hoping for information from the sprite, she was gone.

Before I could stop the battle-axe and ask who she was or why she was there she marched back out the door. I was baffled. There was nothing filthy whatsoever about the inn and I wanted to argue that point with her but decided I'd better turn my attention to the women and children on the lawn. They seemed hesitant to speak, but I was patient with them and eventually learned that they had nowhere to call home. 'Home' was a blessing lost to them. So I invited them into the inn - there was plenty of room.

I urged them to make good use of the toiletries and robes and linens in the rooms. When they had wandered slowly away I realized that there were two little ones, a boy and a girl, standing alone in the lobby. Unlike the other children, who were there with their mothers, this boy and girl were alone. They were not even siblings, but friends who'd met during their wanderings. The little boy spoke for both of them and informed me, "My name is Ham and her name is Sam." They stood there, small, hungry, dirty - thoroughly vulnerable.

The only thing I could do was to lead them to one of the rooms and move between entertaining one and bathing the other. Eventually the pair were clean and wrapped in those over-sized, but very warm, terry robes. I led them downstairs to the office and snuggled them in the chair at the desk with some pencils and paper. I told them I would go to the kitchen to find some food and hot chocolate and be back as quickly as I could. While the milk came to a simmer on the stove, and some of the women shyly entered the kitchen, I searched a box of items labeled "Lost and Found" to see if there were anything for Ham and Sam.

When I returned to the office, tray of goodies and a 'found' item in hand, I nearly cried out to see their shining tousled heads nestled close together as they whispered to one another. I felt sweetness, unutterable unbearable sweetness pierce me - a bolt of lightning - when I introduced Ham to the small cuddly stuffed piglet I'd found in that box. "I think he's been waiting in that box just for you, Ham," I whispered. My throat choked and my eyes filled with tears when he offered Sam the chance to hold the piglet while he finished his drawing.

Musings.13: Barbara

elieve me - I do not think for a moment that falling asleep in the midst of writing a story, as happened to Melissa, is necessarily an indication that one's writing is bad or "soporific." It may be the case on occasion, but more often than not I think it is the Creative Force's way to slow down the writer and get them to see some creative elements that they are missing. If it is one thing the Creative Force loves it is a writer who listens to Its stories.

"Why don't you tell your dreams to me, fantasy will set you free ... Close your eyes girl, look inside girl ... " Steppenwolf

So, in this most recent dream of Melissa's it appears that she is awakened to an aspect of her identity through her efforts as a writer, a storyteller. The dream presents her with an image of herself as a peacock which is rather unusual, as Melissa notes, because male peacocks possess the magnificent plumage. (There is one type of peacock whose females have splendid plumage, but the male still possesses the more notable feathers.)

One thing I have learned when dealing with surprising imagery in dreams is that I always check for any connections to mythology. It was a delightful surprise to discover that both the peacock and the swan have associations to the Hindu goddess Saraswati. Saraswati emerged from the mouth of Brahma, bringing books of wisdom and knowledge to aid humanity in forming solutions to bring order out of chaos. Her arrival was heralded by a peacock, and she emerged on the back of a swan.

"Be - as a page that aches for a word that speaks on a theme that is timeless." Neil Diamond, "Jonathan Livingston Seagull"

Following the logic of dreams it appears that the Dreaming Universe is instructing Melissa to see that her role as a writer is that of heralding the arrival of the goddess Saraswati. Curiously, however, the Dreaming Universe presents her with a cast of characters culled from Western fairy tales, the Twelve Dancing Princesses. The fairy tale is not presented in its entirety here so I tend to think that at this stage in Melissa's development as a writer the elements she was shown are simply the vital ones: twelve princesses, the swans, the ball, the tattered soles.

When the princesses are escorted from the ball and arrive at their common destination, the question of identity is again highlighted. At first glance it appears that the identity of the princesses is to remain a mystery, but Hindu mythology teaches that both black horses and white horses symbolize Saraswati and her consort, Brahma. So, again, we are pointed to the goddess as the source of universal wisdom and knowledge for humanity.

I note also that the Celtic goddess Epona is associated with the horse. Perhaps the western fairy tale pointing to Saraswati is suggesting that Epona is also to be acknowledged. Thus we would see the goddess of universal wisdom and knowledge spreading across Europe up from Asia.

"I am a human Be-ing." Deepak Chopra

The Goddess has appeared in Melissa's dreams in many guises, but now, by explicitly referencing a European fairy tale the message appears to be that such tales represent the universal wisdom and knowledge couched in them. Until this dream that wisdom and knowledge was merely suggested by the occasional appearances of the Faerie Queen and Her King.

This association of fairy tales with universal wisdom and knowledge is strong 'medicine' indeed. This is so especially as it is presented to Melissa after the dream in which she refuses to respond to her father's demands to act in the way he chooses for her, and receives affirmation of the wisdom of maintaining her dream.

"You gave me life now show me how to live ..." Audioslave

The appearance of the fairy tale to Melissa demonstrates Bruno Bettelheim's assertion that over the centuries fairy tales "came to convey at the same time overt and covert meanings - came to speak simultaneously to all levels of the human personality, communicating in a manner which reaches the uneducated mind of the child as well as that of the sophisticated adult." (emphasis mine)

The psychological challenges of "becoming able to relinquish childhood dependencies; gaining a feeling of selfhood and of self-worth and a sense of moral obligation" are not confined to a specific age level. These tales offer anyone who approaches them with an open mind the opportunity to fit "unconscious content into conscious fantasies, which then enable him to deal with that content."

"Someone tries to hide himself down inside himself ..." Audioslave

The challenges of Melissa's life, as shown to us in these dreams, strongly suggest that Mr. Barker's expectations of her and her vain attempts to meet them have derailed her. The fairy tale points her toward an identity and a role, should she choose to accept them. It is especially interesting that the fairy tale has been altered, tailored, to her specific needs. Perhaps the most enchanting aspect of this dream, this fairy tale is that it speaks to her about her. It acknowledges aspects of her unconscious life that nothing or noone else has ever noticed, let alone acknowledged.

"The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are." Joseph Campbell

These dreams and the fairy tale offer Melissa "hope to live not just from moment to moment, but in true consciousness of our existence." Romeo could have been speaking for untold legions of people who "have lost the will to live, and have stopped trying," because a meaning to their life has evaded them:
Mercutio: Nay, gentle Romeo, we must have you dance.
Romeo: Not I, believe me. You have dancing shoes/ With nimble soles; I have a soul of lead/So stakes me to the ground I cannot move.

How would Romeo respond were he to meet any of the Twelve Dancing Princesses?

[A bibliography for this post includes:

Bettelheim, Bruno. "The Uses of Enchantment: The Meaning and Importance of Fairy Tales." New York: Vintage, 1975

Shakespeare, William. "Romeo and Juliet." New York: Bantam, 1988]

[Photo: The tattered heels of the shoes I wore to the Folger Shakespeare Museum, Washington, D.C. - the sidewalks just destroyed them.]

Twelve Dancing Princesses: 'Melissa'

dreamt I fell asleep over the story I was writing at the desk in the office of St. Clair Shores. (It is not a good sign when my own writing puts me to sleep!) Some snatches of music, drifting in from somewhere on the property, and a solitary giggle woke me. While I sat, blinking, I heard the giggle again, then again, and left the desk and my soporific story to investigate.

Out of the inn and across the lawn I stumbled to stand on the rock strewn shore, shivering and wondering what I was seeing. At first I saw only swaying lights - I counted a dozen - but I soon realized that the lights were mounted on small boats. I cannot say if the boats departed from the same place or not, nor can I say whether they had departed from the island I could so clearly see. All I know is that a dozen boats came over the water to settle on St. Clair Shores.

One by one each of the twelve princesses stepped from her boat to stand before me as if for inspection. I noted that while each princess was dressed in her own individual style all of the boats were swan boats. I was rather awed by the princesses and I probably stared too pointedly for too long, but they were kind and patient, thankfully.

When I found my voice I was horrified to hear myself, well, shriek in a horrid and unpleasant manner. I thought of just running away and when I turned to go I heard a swishing noise behind me. The river rocks felt different under my feet and when I looked down I discovered I had the legs and feet of a bird! I confess, I panicked. After some frenzied dancing and jerking, which amused the princesses enough to make them giggle, I figured out I had become a peacock! The swishing sound had been the wind through those magnificent tail feathers.

For whatever reason, once I had discerned my 'fowl' identity I marched off in the direction of the music, calling loudly as I did, the princesses in a line behind me. I watched them dance and dance, and when it was time I led them, each carrying her tattered shoes, back to their swan boats.

I do not know how everything shifted (I never do in these dreams), but I suddenly found myself outside the warehouse. The princesses arrived at the door, each in her own time, each pressing her thumb to that labyrinth symbol to gain entrance. When the door closed behind the last princess I stole up the spiral ladder and hid behind the roses to see what I might of the princesses. What I saw, however, was all those tattered soles lying amid discarded carousel horses.

I wonder what it means, if anything, that the horses were all either black or white? Hmmm ... This is intriguing. It seems almost as if the dream is a message to wake up from what I was trying to write and ... what? ... escort twelve dancing princesses to the ball, as a peacock? Can a woman even become a peacock - the ones with the gorgeous, magnificent tails are the males, aren't they?

Musings.12: Barbara

By now I should be accustomed to this chaos, plan for it even, since John Lennon 'got it' so well: "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans." Suffice it to say I am very happy to be here again, at last.

I am also rather happy, if also surprised, to see that one of my dreams has shown up in 'Melissa's' dreaming life. Ironically, given that 'Melissa's' father owns an entertainment conglomerate which includes a circus and carnival division, I see how tigers and elephants would be relevant in her dreaming and waking life, but I am quite puzzled about their relevance in either my dreams or my daily life.

These magnificent animals came to me in a dream in April 2008, months before I even conceived the notion of blogging. I was inspired to use the dream for 'Melissa,' although I was not certain why, and reported it almost verbatim. One of the changes I made was to describe the big cats in her dream as tigers, whereas in my dream they were jaguars.

One of the first things I do with an intriguing dream such as this is to research any out-of-the-ordinary details like jaguars in flimsy bamboo

cages and elephants carrying Hot Pockets to feed said jaguars. By and large I am still waiting to see what message those animals were intent on delivering. I discovered with some pleasure that in Mesoamerica jaguars, often called 'tigres,' were revered as manifestations of the goddess and appreciated for their strength, beauty, grace, and ability to function on land and in the water. They are the only big cats who swim willingly and by choice.

So, in one night's dreaming two of these magnificent cats confined themselves in flimsy cages and waited on my deck, quietly and patiently. So, I will wait, quietly and patiently also, to see what message they may bear.

What am I to make of the elephants ceremoniously bearing Hot Pockets as food for the jaguars? The notion of elephants happily bringing food to the jaguars puzzles me because big cats prey upon elephants. I am puzzled further by the diminutive size of the elephants - why so small? The Hot Pockets must be meant solely to symbolize some form of nutrition for the cats, but what? Why bring them processed people food? (Do not get me started about processed foods!)

There may be a message to me in the appearance of the elephants, but what exactly? To begin with I always associate elephants with the Hindu Lord Ganesh, Destroyer of Obstacles. Given that, it is most interesting that when I ask the jaguars (goddesses) if they are hungry two (young?) Destroyers of Obstacles happily arrive with people food for them. That may inform my understanding of their 'mission' to the jaguars, but is there some other message for me?

What obstacles face the jaguars? I freed them from their cages, so I doubt that those are obstacles. It is interesting that they waited to be freed, rather than just tearing apart the cages.

As a final interesting note I will share something that happened the day after I posted that dream as 'Melissa's.' My husband and I were driving north to visit some Etowah Indian burial mounds. We both exclaimed when a beautiful, elegant silver convertible glided past on our port side, top down open to the sunshine. Then another, similar convertible passed us on our starboard side.

I was stunned to realize that two Jaguars were literally 'purring' down the highway with us! I've seen many, many Porsches, BMWs, Mercedes, Lexus vehicles here in the Atlanta-metro area, but until then no Jaguars of note. Now I see them just about everywhere - and I smile!

[Photos: Top - our cat, Mardi, June 2006; Bottom - the Ringling Bros. - Barnum and Bailey Circus, Atlanta, February 2009.]

Cats: "Melissa"

ats - big, huge cats, and the little black cat from my previous dreams, were in my dream last night. Baby elephants made an appearance as well.

The little black cat was with me in the building at St. Clair Shores and she was pacing between me and the door in the kitchen leading out to a deck. Back and forth she paced tail held high, a little curl in it at the tip, purring quite loudly. So, I let her out onto the deck.

I froze, however, when I realized there were two tigers in two cages made of bamboo, stacked one atop the other, in a corner of the deck. I tried to maintain my presence of mind because I knew I was dreaming, but I had absolutely no idea what was going to happen. All I knew was that the little black cat was but a morsel compared to those two caged tigers.

I know there were two tigers, but the one in the top cage seemed to be the alpha cat (if there is such a hierarchy) and it seemed to be very controlled, very focused. Here's the thing - and I am still stunned that I did this - I released those tigers from their cages!

I didn't feel I was being stalked or threatened. I felt there was a tremendous intelligence in that alpha tiger, an intellectual strength that at least matched if not surpassed its physical strength. I felt as if I was being noted and measured, weighed, but this did not feel unkind or menacing.

Then I asked the tigers if they were hungry, and I may have made a gesture towards the lawn because the next thing I knew I was standing on the lawn with those tigers and my cat as two very small elephants - babies? - approached, their trunks up-curled ceremoniously, bringing Hot Pockets, of all things!

Musings.11: Barbara

had no intention of 'working' at all, beyond taking photos when an opportunity might arise.

This was to be a getaway weekend for myself and my husband to celebrate our anniversary (#28) and I even chose to forgo organizing my notes and my calendar as I usually do on road trips lasting more than a couple of hours. This was to be just him and me, so imagine my surprise when the latest dreams of 'Melissa,' the character I am developing on this blog, popped up in MY flesh and blood life.

It still amazes me even now, almost a week after I saw it and photographed it through the windshield!

These latest dreams of hers with their emphasis on a place named 'St. Clair Shores,' puzzled me enough that I did not know what to say about them. Truthfully, I am still curious to see how this newest location will fit into 'Melissa's' story, especially now that I found a place named 'St. Clair' on an island off the shore, so to speak, of Georgia - St. Simon's Island, to be exact. (The island played host to the 2008 G-8 Summit.)

Earlier in the day I had found a fool in his cap painted on the window of a toy shop on Mallery St. and felt it would fit into a post about 'Melissa's' exploration of the place. I figured I was pretty lucky to happen across an image of a fool out in the big wide world. I was completely taken by surprise when we drove past a development bearing the name 'St. Clair!'

It presages some sort of 'development' in 'Melissa's' story I am sure, but I am especially intrigued to see what develops because of this in MY waking life. 'Melissa's' dreams manifesting in my physical life - maybe Oscar Wilde was right about life imitating art? I'm certainly going to keep watching to see what develops!

Paradise: "Melissa"

aradise - paradise - it's been on my mind since last night's dream. I decided to check out this "St. Clair Shores," see what it's about because it is in such a different neighborhood than the warehouse, or the mountainside tea party with goddesses - although I do remember a bit of a dream in which I stood out of the rain under a magnolia tree for want of an umbrella. Anyway ...

The building was virtually empty but for one room, an office at the back next to the kitchen. The place had a 1950's air about it and the owners, I think, could probably renovate it quite easily and find a sizable clientele if they wanted.

I headed toward the office, but stopped short as I passed the fridge. A pamphlet caught my eye because it looked to be of the same vintage as the building - but I was in it, looking just as I do now! The pamphlet was an advert for some sort of cruise in "The Big Yellow Taxi," and there I was sitting on a seat in the stern of this big yellow boat, being soundly kissed by the man whose bloody footsteps I'd followed to the warehouse from the watchtower. (I could never forget those shoulders or that dark, dark hair!)

Now that I think about it, I also saw the Faerie Queen and her King in that picture. They looked like the photographer caught them just before a kiss. Uncle Joe was there in that amazing DREAM hat, kissing his Bride. The little girl from so many other dreams was there, too. I decided to keep the pamphlet to study later and continued on into the office.

I remember there being walls of built-in shelves and walls of mullioned windows. I remember seeing a fool's cap on one of the shelves. The desk was big and old and gorgeous; an antique already in the 1950's, its finish had been lovingly maintained and looked like ebony satin. Just as I noted a book lying open atop the desk, the antique dial phone rang and, I admit it, I screeched and jumped!

I figured that since this was not my place I should not answer the phone, but then again the pamphlet made me think that I was supposed to be there and thus supposed to answer. I reached for the receiver - and stopped. The phone was connected to an answering machine, so I decided to exercise caution and screen the call. So glad I did because it was my father!

"This is Charles Barker, Melissa. Your father. It seems you've forgotten that. You need some serious discipline, girl. You can defy me all you want, but you can never deny me. You are a Barker. Act like one. You will do as I say or I will cut you off." The click when he hung up was deafening.

Somehow, thankfully, I remembered I could interact with the dream so I told myself, "Just breathe. Breathe. The answer will come to you." Slowly I looked around the room, then back down at the book on the desk. I could see that there was text on both pages, but I could only read one highlighted section on page 259 - '...the message was: "Don't grow, and whatever you do, don't abandon people to pursue your dream."'

"Wow," I thought, "enough said." I looked at the front of the book for the author and title: Julia Cameron, "The Vein of Gold - A Journey to Your Creative Heart."

Before I could form another thought my Crow flew in and perched on my shoulder to give me his characteristic greeting and comb his beak through my hair. He held something shiny in one of his claws and relinquished it with a gurgle of pleasure when I held up my hand - an iPod. This being a dream there was, of course, an iHome on a shelf near the desk. I can take a hint.

After that message from good ole dad I never expected to laugh and dance and feel out-loud happy quite so soon, but when the Counting Crows song began and my Crow moved to the beat as if he thought he had become a bird-of-paradise bent on courting his lady, I could do nothing but join him.

So, I am quite curious just how the Dreaming Universe will show me how to combine the pursuit of my dream with "The Big Yellow Taxi," all those wonderful people on the taxi, AND the Stranger kissing me. Oh, and yes, my Crow.